And if you get to heaven

His dreams were uneasy. Cars were coming at him, headlights were blinding him, Ryan's body was being thrown into the air and Brendon wasn't there to catch him. He tossed and turned in his sleep, cold sweat pouring down his face.
"Dammit!" he yelled, kicking his blanket off. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and let his face fall into his hands.
He knew what he needed to do.
Silently, Brendon stood up and pulled a sweatshirt over his head, jeans over his legs. He put his keys in his pocket and walked out of the apartment, careful not to wake the girl that slept quietly on his couch. It didn't take him long to realise he would need to go shopping again. His clothes were too big for him; he hadn't eaten anything in almost two weeks.
Brendon got into his car and started the ignition, hearing the old car groan into motion. He put his hands on the wheel and just sat for a minute. Then he drove.
Some time later, he stopped the car and walked into a supermarket. His original intention had been to buy flowers, but Ryan didn't like flowers, he thought they were girly, and he hated girly things- maybe that was why he got so offended when people told him he was girly. Brendon wandered the aisles for a moment before being struck by a moment of inspiration.
Standing in the checkout line, holding a fistful of colourful eyeliners, Brendon had to marvel at himself. Less than twelve hours ago, his only wish had been to lie in bed for the rest of his life, and now here he was, buying eyeliner for his dead friend. He paid, put the make-up in a plastic bag, and got back into his car.
When Brendon got out of the car for the second time, he took off his shoes and threw them in the passenger seat. He grabbed the eyeliner and began to walk up the grassy hill. Freshly cut blades of wet grass stuck to his bare feet as he kept walking.
There was still a layer of fresh dirt over Ryan. A headstone had been added since he had last come here. Brendon sat down on the dirt, tracing his fingers over the name on the headstone. Ryan Ross. He felt fresh tears spark in his eyes and this time he let them fall. He reached into the bag and pulled out the eyeliner, placing it close to the stone.
"I thought you might need these, in heaven, you know," he whispered, lying down and pressing his cheek to the dirt. This was hard and cold as it mingled with the tears on his face. "I miss you, Ry." His voice was broken, but he didn't care. He was as close to his best friend as he was ever going to be now, and that's all that mattered to him.
Ryan had always brought out the best in Brendon. Ryan could make him see what people really were, instead of making quick judgements like he usually did. In the past three weeks, Brendon had not only forgotten to look for people, he'd forgotten how to live all together.
"Help me, Ryan," he begged, running his hand through the soft dirt. "I don't remember how to do this anymore."
He just lay there and cried until he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for the first time in weeks.

Three years later.

"Brendon… I can't do this anymore." a small, fragile, red headed  girl, who would be no older then twenty three whimpered softly, tightening her grip on her boyfriend's hand.
Turning her head, she looked at the boy beside her. He was the same as he had been when they met, over three years ago.
His brown hair still reached his ears, with a fringe that hung in the way of his deep brown eyes. His pale pink lips were still in the form of the weak smile he had given her the day they met, at their friend's funeral, and his body was still as thin as ever.
"Yes you can, Sarah… come on… just a few more pushes, and we're done." Brendon's voice was soothing as he encouraged his girlfriend.
Before long, the sounds of a baby's cries entered the air, and Brendon and Sarah couldn't have been happier.
Brendon cut the umbilical chord on his new baby and she was handed to her mother.
"Excuse me… but I was wondering if you have a name for your child yet?" a small, nervous nurse with black hair asked timidly.
Never taking his eyes off his baby girl, Brendon answered the nurse. "Ryan Jane Urie."